Why can’t I stop wasting time?

It’s already time for another rambling post from yours truly about one of the many things I tend to freak out about more than necessary. This time around, it’s all about the way I spend my time!

So to sum up how I typically spend my time at uni, it was either spending all night working at the local night club, or in the library as my sleep schedule was broken, or sleeping whenever I could and sometimes watching some Netflix. There were some weeks were I wouldn’t open my own laptop once and either live in the library (I once managed to spend 24 hours in the library, gaining the world’s saddest sims achievement), and would just have one awful meal of cakes and pasta to make up for the lost time.  This is most likely, what led to my falling grade, as I just had no concept of real time management. Even now I’m on placement, I find myself using my time very poorly, and the effect has been me feeling drained and unfulfilled most of the time. My time this year has been composed of waking up too late, getting ready and getting to work just on time, being there for 8+ hours as I get bored in my room, then heading home and re-watching old YouTube videos as nothing really seems interesting.

Finding evening activities would be good, and I had ideas all throughout the year, such as taking up rowing again on the weekends (an idea I ditched due to weekends being the only time I had to visit people, not a good excuse really), and maybe even taking dance or art classes. I did do couch-to-5k in the evenings before the Christmas holidays, but stopped at week 8 of the 9 week programme when it became quite dark in the evenings. I am aware I have a habit of using bad reasoning to sit in my room all night, and then be distressed from the monotony of the life I’m living. Cracking open a book, cleaning my room, or even doing some drawing are all ideas that seem a little bit out of reach for reasons I can’t even convey because I truly don’t understand them.

This blog is giving me a chance to do some writing, something I haven’t done since sixth form when I was a member of the college newspaper. It’s also why some posts have a random drawing associated with them to make me draw, even if it’s for five minutes. After falling into quite a depression starting university, I am trying to get back to my old norm when I had so many hobbies and fun activities planned outside of standard work/school hours throughout the week. This may seem a bit silly, having to try so hard to enjoy myself, but I am still finding it so very difficult, despite what I wouldn’t say is my best efforts, but efforts nonetheless.


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