Am I actually trying to lose weight?

Coming to you with a rather typical post talking about my wonderful lack of enthusiasm for things that would better me. First things first, let the record show that I’m not trying to lose weight for any beauty reasons, but for health and comfort. I am very lazy by nature and love being comfy, and let me tell you that back rolls are not comfortable, no matter the shapeware, bed position, or god forbid the temperature. That paired with the breathlessness of climbing a single flight of stairs, and not fitting the skydiving weight limit (a big bucket list item for me!) gave me more than enough reason to get fit, which for my body just happens to involve quite a bit of weight loss with it.

Since leaving secondary school, college and university saw more freedom than before. Unfortunately, this meant my already bad habit of eating when bored, angry, or sad was exacerbated by having my own money and being free to nip to the local shops whenever I had a spare moment. This all led to me finishing my second year of uni having gained a rather impressive (for all the wrong reasons) five stone! Another big factor for eating less junk is I calculated I spend over £35 a week nipping into co-op for some cheesecake and crisps every other day…

So I entered my placement year thinking this would be a perfect time to lose weight, right? Well about that. So I have managed to drop 1.5 stone in the seven months I’ve been here and actually keep it off which isn’t bad in the slightest, but I have taken up activities like running or exercise dvds, to only stop them, as well as eating very healthy for a few weeks broken up by another few weeks of shovelling anything in a five-mile vicinity into my mouth. It’s really sad to admit that I can always tell when I’m about to give up for another week or three, and simply do nothing but accept it.

Whenever I try to combine eating well and exercising, for some reason I just stop doing one, by thinking if I’m exercising I can add some more calories, or if I’m eating so much less I need to stop exercising as I won’t have as much energy. This is a very common theme with me as I continually convince myself to do the wrong thing with what seems like perfect logic at the time. I need to keep reminding myself not to trust myself, as I naturally want to pick the path of least resistance. But why should I have to do that, why am I having to outmanoeuvre my own mind?

-Chi

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